a post about feelings and stuff.

here's a completely irrelevant photo for you. it's a beaut.
i woke up friday morning feeling a little sad and homesick. you know that feeling you get towards the end of a long vacation? you think, sigh, (insert name of vacation location here) is wonderful and all, but it sure is time to get home. i miss small town iowa! and my dog! even the neighbor's three-legged cat we named tripod! i miss the grass! i miss our driveway! i miss my pillow! i miss the friendly and familiar faces of my 'hood! etc. but you're soon relieved of the heartache when you de-board your final flight, grab your bags, hop in the car and drive the predictably comforting path from the airport to your home.

so yes, that feeling right there, it's a powerful one. and a little bit (a.k.a. all) of me has been overcome with such emotions. the hardest part is knowing i'm not jumping on a plane tomorrow and flying back to reality, leaving paradise behind and bringing with me happy memories and a bag of sea shells. i'm sure it's probably a major step in the phenomenon that is culture shock (step one: float on cloud nine and exclaim that you just love mexico so much and feel like you belong here! in simpler terms, step one: be delusional. and then step two: homesickness) and that it will disappear as quickly as it came.

this weekend's schedule was relaxed and open to allow for us to do as we please, and all this free time let my mind finally turn to and focus on the constant tears welled up in my eyes, the ever-present lump in my throat, and the longing in my heart to be home and with familiarity. however i know that with each passing day those buggers will vanish just a bit and i will feel a little stronger and more confident in my place in this big city, and it will soon become my new "normal."

i meet and move in with my host family tonight (does this not scream reasons to be in a nervous panic!?). i am so excited to meet them and finally unpack and stop living out of my suitcase, but at the same time i am terrified. i feel like i'm just starting to settle into routine here at the house, and now i have to start over. and what if they don't like me?? what if i can't understand a word they say? what if they don't understand me? and how do i say it smells delicious? i'm just praying they are understanding and forgiving of my cultural barrier goof-ups (which are unfortunately bound to happen) and that that things fall into place rather quickly and smoothly. like ripping off a band aid! it might be a quiet and confusing first couple of weeks, though. :) bring on the awkwardness!

classes start tomorrow (finally! some routine! hallelujah!) which feels totally bizarre considering central went back two weeks ago, but it's definitely time. i'm almost envious of my friends back home, social media-ing about classes and homework and such! (just kidding! that pushes it!) but it'll be nice to be doing what all the kewl kats are, ya know? and *hopefully* it will make time go by a little faster.

this week has felt like an eternity.
a good-en, but a long-en.

and that's enough gloominess for one post. it's packing time! i've got a host family to meet and move in with!


  1. Sending you hugs across the miles!

    1. <3 thank you, sending them back! Love you mucho!